The Weight of a Self-Love Spell

A Witch’s Reckoning with Love and Healing

Y’all… Here we go!

Witches know that love is powerful. I mean… It is one of our natural inclinations, it is a power that has forever been associated with the Witch. We weave it into spells, call it forth in candlelight, infuse it into oils, and whisper it over charms. But if there’s one phrase that gets thrown around like it’s some universal truth, it’s this:

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

It’s neat. It’s digestible. It fits nicely on an aesthetic backdrop of rose quartz and pink candles. And yet, for many of us, it couldn’t feel further from the truth.

Because self-love is not a destination you reach before you’re allowed to be loved. It’s not a prerequisite for connection, nor is it something you can just snap your fingers and conjure into existence. And in some cases, the pressure to just love yourself does more harm than good.

Love is Not All You Need

We’ve been told love is everything. That it’s the answer, the cure, the foundation upon which all else rests. But love alone is not enough.

You need mutual respect, trust, boundaries, support. You need people who are there when it matters, who allow you space to grow and accept you when you do. You need love that speaks your language—not just love for the sake of love.

And you need to give those things to yourself just as much as you expect them from others.

This is where self-love spells get tricky. A simple bath filled with rose petals won’t fix a lifetime of self-doubt. A pink candle won’t undo years of internalized shame. Magic can guide, encourage, and support—but the true work of self-love is in the mundane. In the daily choices. In the ways we tend to ourselves, even when we don’t feel particularly lovable.

So instead of treating self-love like an all-or-nothing spell, let’s talk about actionable ways to cultivate love for who you are—without gaslighting yourself into believing it should be easy.

Casting the Spell of Self-Love: Practical Witchcraft for Embracing Yourself

The Danger of Casting Self-Love Spells for Others

It’s tempting. You see someone you love struggling—doubting themselves, unable to see their own worth—and you want to help. You want to wrap them in a spell, a whispered incantation, a little bundle of herbs and honey that will soften the sharp edges of their self-loathing.

But just because something sounds good doesn’t mean it will have the intended effect.

As we’ve explored throughout this post, self-love is not something everyone has immediate access to. It’s layered, complicated, and, for some, an ongoing battle. And when you cast a self-love spell on someone who hasn’t yet found their way to it—without their knowledge, without their consent—you risk forcing them into an experience they are not ready for.

Imagine dropping someone into deep water when they don’t know how to swim. That’s what an uninvited self-love spell can feel like for someone still navigating their own relationship with themselves. Instead of support, they may feel pressure. Instead of warmth, they may feel raw exposure. Instead of love, they may feel like they are failing at something they never asked to be pushed into.

Healing magic is not about imposing what we think someone needs—it’s about supporting them in a way that aligns with their will, their agency, and their journey.

If you truly want to help someone struggling with self-worth, don’t force them into a vibration they haven’t chosen. Instead:

• Ask. Would they like support in a magical way?
• Offer. Provide tools, ingredients, or rituals that they can choose to engage with on their own terms.
• Respect. If they decline, do not push. Magic without consent—no matter how well-intended—is a violation of their autonomy.

You cannot cast self-love onto someone like a glamour and expect it to hold. Real love—the kind that transforms—must come from within.

A Spell for the Witches Who Struggle with Self-Love

If self-love feels impossible, do not force it. Instead, try this:

🔥 A Spell for Being Loved Until You Learn to Love Yourself 🔥

• Gather two candles: one black and one white. The black represents the unknown—the love you have yet to find within yourself. The white represents the love that already surrounds you, seen or unseen. Take time to really think about this, inscribe sigils or symbols of power onto each candle.
• On a small piece of paper, write the names of those who have loved you in ways that mattered. They don’t have to be people—it can be a pet, a place, a moment where you felt safe. If no names come to mind, write something like: I call forth the love that exists for me, seen and unseen.
• Light the white candle first. Say something like: I acknowledge the love that exists for me, even when I cannot feel it.
• Light the black candle next. Say something like: I make space for the love I have yet to find within myself. I do not force it. I do not rush it. I trust that it will come.
• Let the candles burn as long as you like. When you’re done, fold the paper and keep it in a place where you can see it when doubt creeps in.

You Are Already Enough

Self-love is not something you achieve before you deserve to be loved. It is something you cultivate, slowly, with intention. Some days it will come easily. Other days, it won’t. And that’s okay.

But never, ever let anyone tell you that you must perfect self-love before you are worthy of receiving love from others. Love does not withhold itself from those who struggle. It does not demand you to have it all figured out. It meets you where you are.

So let it. Let love come in all its forms. Let yourself be loved by those who see you. And when self-love does arrive—when it finally settles into your bones like a spell long in the making—you will know that it was never about forcing it.

It was about making space for it.

And that is magic.

So my friends, comment and share your thoughts as well as maybe pointers on how you achieve self-love, what you do to navigate finding acceptance for all that you are.

Much Love,

Michael Blackthorn